Month: September 2012

Recent quotes and words of note:

• Vacuity (the state of being vacuous or without contents; vacancy; emptiness, absence of thought or intelligence; inanity; blankness, a time or state of dullness, an empty space; absence or lack of something specified). 
• Our inescapable narcissism of consciousness (Moore ..which moore I know not)
• Humility is stark raving honesty (stark raving ..sounds familiar)
• Mystery is spoiled by a word (the short fall of any contemplative blog).

Legacy ..so much to say. So many questions. So few answers. This shall be a blog unto itself but know that I begin with the premise that the topic pricks my irritable nature. Until then leading questions to ponder:  

• What is the nature of legacy? Of what legacy should I embrace and pursue: Country, God, Church, Family, mine ..and what does it mean to do so?
• What is a biblical view of legacy
• I hear a lot of Christian speakers talk of legacy? Why does it irritate me?
• What is individual vs corporate legacy?
• Can I participate in another persons pursuit of their legacy? Others seem to think so.
• As I think of historical Christian figures ..I wonder if leaving a legacy was part of their thinking? Mother Teresa, C.S Lewis, Billy Graham …etc.

I’ve discussed the topic recently with small group, family (wife and sons)… similar questions seem to be shared. More research. More pondering.

Wounded Healer. “Physician draw back”. The words of an angel as he stepped in to block the way of a physician who sought healing from his melancholy at the pool of bethsada…with further dialogue: “Without your wounds, where would your power be? It is your melancholy that makes your low voice tremble into the hearts of men and women.” (The Angel That Troubled The Waters” based on John 5:1-4..as read in Abbas Child).

Prayers of Blessing: Brother (not from my  home church) who targeted me at a coffee shop, sat down and started in with church platitudes and talk of ministries, men’s retreats and other religious rhetorical foofoo. Ending with an unrequested prayerful blessing – that went on for 4 or 5 minutes.  In the past I would have responded wholeheartedly with my own litany of religious platitudes and then patted both of us on the back for our mutual hearty pursuit of the kingdom. Now, I find the conversation vacuous. I subsequently wrote these words in my journal:

“I grow weary of the political and religious rhetorical noise, so deft of love and hope. Throw out the score card and the meaningless platitudes. Let us simply and actually just do love (imperfect as it may be) in living life together ..and shut the (*&#?!) up.”

I would rather give and receive the prayers below than an intended blessing with  religious feel good or ‘step it up’ platitudes.

• May all your expectations be frustrated, may all your plans be thwarted, may all your desires be withered into nothingness. that you may experience the powerlessness and poverty of a child and sing and dance in the love of God who is father, son and spirit.
• Today on planet earth, may you experience the wonder and beauty of yourself as Abbas child and temple of the Holy Spirit through Jesus Christ our Lord.

(Brennan Manning quoting his spiritual director Larry Hien. Abba’s Child, Kindle location 121 and 117).

Developing theme:The love of God now. Not tomorrow. Not only when I am behaving better, experiencing better health, eating better, sinning less or feeling accomplished (real or perceived). ..but now.. damn it! right now! Jesus does not withhold his love until I quit swearing, stop smoking, successfully hold to a diet or miraculous love my teens with patience, wisdom and understanding.

His love is not increased or decreased when I move forward with a mission trip, a volunteer engagement or start a bible study. His love is not conditional. I must quit assigning my view of myself to Him.

He can turn my sin into good. He can use my weakness for good ..even in the moment of my weaknesses? This is piercing.

Returning to the prayer above:

     Today on planet earth, may you experience the wonder and beauty of yourself as Abbas child and temple of the Holy Spirit through Jesus Christ our Lord.

I admit that I when I read this the first time I was at my latest low point of self-condemnation and as such my first thought was a passionate, “NO! ..this is too much. I simply cannot (and will not!) experience the wonder and beauty of myself as Abbas child”.  The shock of my response pierced my consciousness. The statement is the core of the gospel – yet I could not in the moment accept it. Caution: I have found that many brothers and sisters upon hearing from me this type of “I need to accept God’s grace” proclamation – will readily agree that I need to accept grace – yet misunderstand that accepting grace is not disavowing the depth of (nor propensity for) my sin. Acknowledgement of both – in the moment – is necessary. In fact, grace cannot be realized without fully acknowledging the other… accepting forgiveness not withstanding. Poverty of spirit.

The harshness of my response has been churning within. There is a broader discussion at work in me on how self-condemnation is directly proportional to perception and action toward God and others. I am not ready to elaborate on this at present. Churning continues.

His words_I’ve read_ of late: And continue to do so.

• Isaiah 58. A view of fasting.
• The Johns. A view of Love.

 EndBlog. Jesus I love you…Today in this moment, may I experience the wonder and beauty of me as Abbas child. Really?

My 9th grade son made a comment just before his first day in high school – that caught my attention. In effect he was sharing how he is tired of hearing the media describe his generation as the screwed generation (No jobs, inherited uncontrolled debt, etc). In so many words he told me it is sometimes depressing and hope killing.  Go figure.   It made me think of how I may be feeding this hope killing discussion as well. It forces one to really think – on what their hope is based. If my sons generation is truly ‘screwed’ due to any real or potential circumstance then the faith that I claim (and profess to my son) has a weak and meaningless foundation.

Did God suddenly leave town? Can you just hear the Divine chatter, “Well we took care of the boomers and tried to help gen x but they have just hosed the whole thing and as such gen y is just screwed..too bad for them”.  Did Gods Divine plan become less meaningful, less appealing, less loving – due to unfortunate (man made or not) circumstances. Has God blown it and left this generation …hosed?

I’ve thought of this as I have been listening to eelection year chatter via conventions and water fountain discussions… “it’s their fault”, “our guy will fix it”, “I worry for my grand kids”, “there are no jobs”..blah..blah..blah.  Think of what this would do to your own outlook if you were a 9th grader looking forward to the prospects of the future. I think my son is very astute for his age. He does take this in. It does impact him.

Here’s what I told him:

God has not suddenly left town. He has made you for this day and his purposes. He has a plan for your life – right now and through your whole life,.. a plan that has everlasting meaning.  God’s plan is not swayed by circumstance, politics, economics, or inflation. Neither riches nor poverty will sway God’s plan for your life. He is good and he desires good for you. God’s goodness at work in your life will not be swayed by the circumstances of the world around you – nor by the circumstances you find yourself in. Do not listen to the naysayers (even if at times I seem to be one of them). Be encouraged and move forward with great expectations.  God’s intends to use you to impact the world – for good.

Ok… this sounds good. However I am also forced to look at my own life in light of these words and in light of my sons perspective. My proclamation of hope only stands if I believe the message of the gospel.  I read this in book by Brennan Manning today,

“Do I really believe the Good News of Jesus Christ? Do I hear His word spoken to my heart:”Shalom, be at peace, I understand?”…Are we optimistic about what will happen to us in this world, or are we fearful and pessimistic? Are we celebrating our union with the bridegroom. .. Our hope, our acceptance of this invitation to the banquet, is not based on the idea that we are going to be free of pain and suffering. Rather, it is based on the conviction that we will triumph over suffering.” (Ragamuffin Gospel Kindle location 1884)

I am struck with the crisis of my own calling at this stage in life (Brennan Manning refers to this as a second calling). I cannot give my son …nor anyone else in this world … hope if I do not first believe it myself and then commit afresh to a life that is perpetually wanting to grasp it more and more and then share this only true hope with those around me.

Also in the words of Brennan Manning, “Faith means you want God and want to want nothing else” and “Evangelical faith is the antithesis of lukewarm-ness;  It always means a profound dissatisfaction with our present state.” 

Now ..translate this into hope in the future for a 9th grader ..in such a way that he gets it? Stick with the Gospel.

What I am convicted of is that much of my own day to day language and more particularly my internal thoughts communicate something other than the hope I have stated.

My stated faith – through God’s work – proclaims that  God’s grace must result in joy ..a joy that reigns through any circumstance. I have concluded that the lack of experienced and expressed and believed joy in my life – reflects mostly a lack of (my) receiving God’s grace.  I am therefore in the midst of surrendering to His grace as I never have before (hopefully!). This is hard to described in a such a way that it conveys something different in my Christian journey. Today I had a bit of an epiphany ..simple as it may be .. that brought it to the forefront. 

It occured to me that I could not recall telling Jesus that I loved Him. I have said the words ..but I have not said them as I have heard myself say to my struggling son, my bald headed cancer laid-en wife, my dying father, my struggling best friend, my best friend on hearing my own struggles and weaknesses, my sacrificing mother, my 3 small sons running toward me shouting, daddy’s home daddy’s home!  ..and most certainly not as a sinful surrendered sinner receiving grace and forgiveness in love undeserved. I think to date I have mostly only acknowledge the gift of His love as if it were a Christmas package received from a wealthy, generous, loving and well admired benefactor. I am thankful for the gift. I acknowledge the generosity and the goodness of the giver. But I would most likely not run to the generous but distant benefactor, joyfully wrap my arms around Him and proclaim, “I love you”.  Yet ..would He not want me to?

Here is the kicker: Jesus wants us to. As I want my son’s love expressed ..so does He. As I want my wife to profess her love for me ..so does He. As I have so enjoyed my small children embracing me full on ..so does He.

Prayer:

Pause.                                       Jesus … I love you.                                         Pause.

Can I be so bold as to ask for more grace ..that I may Love you more?  [I know his reply: yes, yes, yes!]

May the hope of the Lord reign in my heart, in my son ..and through his generation.